Sunday, December 30, 2007

my BFF Bear

This is my best friend Bear. He is a thoroughbred (idiot). we like to race each other. He calls me a name like shorty shorty big butt and then I have to chase him. if I catch him I bite him on the butt and call him names like Brainless little feet or witless scaredy mare (this insult is especially good cause he's a gelding).

*note from Aubern... Ok so the boys get to galloping. Bear, being off the track, is usually about eight lengths ahead of Max. Max is hilarious, he goes tearing across the pasture. His short little legs a flying, tail flagging and ears to the sky. He's convinced that he's just as fast as his Bear. He doesn't realize that his lovely Baroque body wasn't made for speed!*

Bear and I have decided to hate things. like Ukon. Ukon thinks he's the Mare's whinny. Just because he's 17.3 and Dutch. I once told him that he wasn't the Mare's whinny because his people were pulling carts when mine were performing for kings. you know what he did? He kicked ME! I the greatest horse in the barn! Mom and Aunt Diane *the barn owner* said I deserved it. I say He's still a carthorse! Bear hates him because he has two big white stockings and a blaze. Bear and I are very proud of our socks. I have 2 and a half, and bear has only one. but I have a star too, so I'm better than Bear. but Mom says one day I'll be ALL white, and then I'll be even better than Ukon!!

we also hate guns, an idiot redneck (as Mom called him) got one for Christmas, and Bear and I had to spook alot and be twits because he had the nerve to go shooting behind My farm!

Bear says we should also hate Dogs Lying in Paths but I don't know about that. Bear also thinks that we should hate Kicks even more than Ukon but I like Kicks. He lets me win races and he is nice to groom with. he doesn't always get to come out with us, but I like it when he does. But I sometimes have to bite him.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Max on Monsters

Why do I hate birds? Well because they're flesh eating flying monsters is why! they jump up behind you and if you're not quick on your hooves they'll land on your back and suck your blood. I'm sure of it.

other horse eating monsters..
the outdoor dressage ring. Those bushes and gazebo will jump out at you!

My saddle. If you don't scoot around and act like a twit it will land on your back and then you'll have to work. also remember to blow your belly out real big to keep the saddle from having a death grip on your breathy bits.

when my saddle is loose. that sneaky thing, once I start breathing again it wants to go and slide around! MOOOOM!

for a while the indoor wash stall. I was convinced that horses die of exposure to this mysterious thing every day. I'm still alive though, so maybe it's not so bad.

water in my face. I will drown. that water snake is vicious!

Clippers. clippers kill. I heard that this one horse was standing in his stall innocently eating hay and this pair of clippers snuck up on him and sucked ALL his blood. Honest! One time a pair of clippers attacked me and ate most of my muzzle whiskers. I barely escaped with my life.

the laser beams in the indoor arena. there are these bright laser beams of DEATH that sometimes come in the indoor. you have to watch them closely and walk around them. if you step over them they will cut your legs off.

Hi! I'm Max!

ok so I have my own blog now. I don't know what a blog is, I hope it's something I can eat.

Here's a bit about me. I was born in New Hampshire in August. My Dam is the beautiful flea bitten gray Sabella. My sire, the dashingly handsome Siglavy Malina. I am Siglavy Sabella, a Lipizzaner, a horse of kings, their mighty steed. my ancestors were dancers and warriors. At least that's what I've been trying to tell my barn mates ever since my arrival at this barn, just before my fourth birthday. They call me small. sure, I'm not 17 hands high, but they're not an imperial horse! I have to levade often to keep them in awe of me. They're just a bunch of carthorses *warmbloods* and idiots *Thoroughbreds*. who are they to say what's what? Sure I'm the youngest horse in the barn, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't kneel before my wonderfulness. Conceited? Me? nah. I just know that I'm the best horse ever!

My mom is helping me type this, I wanted to do it myself, but she says that it not only requires thumbs, but fingers too. Bah. and she says "besides, horses can't spell!" shows what she knows. My grandfathers were Haute Ecole horses! That's High School. That means horses CAN spell.

And little does she know, but I've been busy working on my thesis on the habits of deer and turkeys, and it's really coming along. I recently wrote a couple of pages about a doe that went bounding and jumping across the dressage ring. I didn't know they did dressage too! I had to watch her intently to make sure my thesis would be right.

I'll write more later, I've gotta visit with my mom!